Well...I took April off to get some thoughts together and to work on my relationship. Apparently we worked too hard I am now pregnant with second child. Things in my life I know some of you have read my poetry knowing I have had a lot of issues in my relationship, I want to thank those for support and well wishes. But also explain that my output or therapy is writing poetry it is my hobby, my sanity, and my greatest love.
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Things have gotten better, much better so far I take each day as it comes and he has learned who I am more and learned how to deal with my issues as well as his own. He has an ill father which as some of you know is extremely difficult to deal with especially a parent only halfway through their life should not be facing death. So we are taking this upcoming child as a gift that will hopefully help my father in law to live out this year and several more.
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My better half has been wonderful to me it took me nearly leaving which irritates me that that always seems to be the case with most men. We are learning to be better and with all relationships you have to figure out what is it you want from this person and do they fulfill it cause they will screw up its human nature as long as he never does with another I will always learn to forgive and try to understand him.
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We are very excited for our next child along with my college I am not sure how much time I will have for DA but I will be trying to keep my site going mostly cause I find great enjoyment in da. Hope everyone has had a great spring so far and I will be posting some images from friends ~
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Trapped Inside This darkness creeping over
wounded day, passenger of time
hurts manufacture malevolent entities
obstruct
entry into isolation,
peace, vision, peace
insight is blind
furiously poking fingers into cracks seeping memories

sometimes I need to be alone
in my own space and prescribed period
a place to hide my hurts
the obscurity that prevails
the demons taunting me
the shames I must atone
some things I just can't show
sometimes I need to be alone

. . . . . and sink . . . sink . . . . sink
into a dark agape of soiled nonentity
leaving only insignificance behind
. . . and realise that all my meanings were only transitory
simply mome the canonization of we This jostling unearths me.

The fear of the closing door, the withering of too silent flames rattles these bones and entangled sinews.  

How can one emotion incapacitate to waterless puddles? How do I become a quarry of silence, an opaque itching of yearning
without the sustenance that urges me on, that could swaddle these pebbles into the complete foundation of me?

I watch this opening of veins and will their fingers to mend the vanishing of warmth and nourishment and to plead for you to ease this mottled shivering.

Envelope me, and life will stutter.  

Then the heavens will turn their omniscient minds our way to ma Unchosen Path Is this who I am supposed to be?
Has this road been paved.. just for me?
Are these the words I want to say
Or am I just saying what I want you to believe?

When the pieces fall away
and all that is left of me
Is standing there before you
Will you still love what you see?

If I hide into the shadows
Daring not to speak
Will your heart still lead to find me
Or would you just give up on me?

If I am left drained going out of my mind
If my heart stops beating before its time
Would you spare me a moment of life from your own
Or would you pack your emotions and go back home?

If I want to be lonely
Does that make me sick
Waiting to Crazy I hate the way you make me feel,
I hate the way you look at her.

I love the way you hug me,
I love the way you smile.

I love the way you play me,
It keeps me on my toes.

I hate the way you toss me aside,
Stranded on my own.

I love the way your warmth surrounds me,
It makes me feel protected.

I love the way you laugh,
A sound of golden silk.

I hate the way you're so arrogant,
The way you are so self confident.

But I also -

Love the way you make me feel,
It shows that I'm alive.

Hate the way you hug me,
It makes me want you more.

Hate the way you smile,
It draws me in.

Hate the way you play me,
Keeping me caged.

Love the Would You? Would You?

If I sung the same song everyday.

                                                      Would you remember the lyrics?

If I told you the world will end tomorrow.

                                                         
                     &# The Relics of Love A relic of a former life
an echo on the final day
The emotions of which will endure
and resonate eternally

Through the clouds onto the stars
and along side cosmic dust
Collapsing into wistful wonder
never falling foul of lust

Those ink drop eyes beguiled me
from that silk skin porcelain face
Your shadow dark mane flows freely
With your love my blood is now laced

It plots a course through my veins
only serving to enhance
A life focused only on living
Nothing beyond mere existance

Now at my memories mercy
and of this emotional gravity
You are the Moon controlling my tide
Now I seldom get lost at sea

Nor do I feel the cold br she she was made of darkness and beauty,
and of the shimmering dust from shattered mirrors.
never clothed, but always concealed in a dense mist
with the slightest luminesence that some say is from the souls she's stolen.
not born into the world, but conceived by thought alone
and brought about by will and wish. Nymph Turn around and listen to the sound
Of my song I sing for you
A song never heard of
Let it touch your heart
Let it calm your mind
Just give yourself to me

I see you but I won't show myself yet
I want to play along with you
You have captivated my heart
I let myself rip apart
Guess that I'm in love
With you...

You stopped at the waterfall
I see you turn around
Listening to the sound
Of my voice so soft
I only sing for you

And I show myself up from behind the curtains of water
You see me too, our eyes meet together
As my heart beats faster when you smile
Give yourself to me, I say to you
We can be together forever

Don't wor nightsong when we're not touching
we're worlds apart,

usually.

my naïve, haywire laughter
bounces off
your dry wit, and

sometimes
our words stumble into
each other –
awkwardly endearing.

when people leave
only footprints,
you leave me colours, blues;

cornflower, mayan, iris –
and they're always
softer. muted.

like tricks, the slant of
daylight pulls
you closer. or so it seems at times.

when we're not touching
i'm still holding your hand,

usually. Unforgiving I'm dying on the inside.
No matter how happy I look,
Or pretend to be,
It won't stop the fact that I'm in agonizing pain.

My heart feels like it has been torn to shreds.
My stomach always in knots.
My body slowly giving up on me.

It's something I'd rather forget,
But just can't.

My body is dying underneath these smiles.
Dying an unforgiving death. You Can't Stop Me You Can't Stop Me:

Cold, I'm sittin' here,
You see me cut the lights out
Stains on the inside;
I'm tired of being wiped out.

Cleaned, like the stone weathered down in the rain,
You wore me down to my core; now let me bring on the pain!

Uh-huh, now let me turn it slow for you all
Uh-huh, I'm grabbin' at the stars till they fall
Uh-huh, I'm never gonna die; I stand tall
Uh-huh, I'm breakin' through this fuckin' brick wall.

You know, that I will be the voice in your mind.
You know, that it will be the lyrical kind
You see, the way I put my words into rhyme
If I was rapping out of rhythm, man this would be a crime.

So hear, my vo birth(born unto you) I found the arms of silence
and held on

.

waiting for chanting demons to relent
hoping
to find that this terminal trembling
would find harmony
and die

I went on
fermenting as wine
yet urgent with a toxicity
that would allow me
to willow in my pretty confessions
of black and blue

And in these moments
I fell endlessly
into waves
where (hoping) was a beat
a promise
a chrysalis of sanity
left to unfurl
into rays of clarity
warming gently
in your
sun

.

my
birth
(born unto you) Happy Endings Robin Hood stole my heart,
I thought it was for good.

Prince Charming came along,
but ran after a shoe.

My knight in shining armor,
a dragon in disguise.

A lady gave me an apple,
now poison seeps through me.

Happy endings,fairy tales,
are really just lies.

I'll break out of the dungeon,
does someone have the key? What is it to Write? Perhaps a Writer I am not.
Perhaps a Writer I am.
I do not know how to be a Writer,
All I know is to write.

My words don’t come out smoothly,
Though my pen dances across the page.
My imagery evokes no memories,
Though I continue to try,
Oh yes, I try.

I am the blind attempting to paint.
I am the deaf attempting to sing.
I am a writer attempting to draw
That which I have never seen. Bee My Girl I cried tonight
But it was not like before
When someone to love me
Was all I implored

This time the tears fell
Because my wish has come true
My prayers have been answered
In the wonder that is you

I smiled tonight
But it was not like before
When it was just a physical response
Nothing more

This time I smile
Not from the mouth but the eyes
This lost little boy
Has finally come back to life

I wrote tonight
This poem, these words
About my best friend
my love, my girl

This time it seems
That indeed you feel the same
I prayed to God for your arrival
and soon after you came I'm Not That Type of Woman I'm not the type of woman
That men write poetry to.
I don't inspire great works,
Or words of beauty and romance.
I'm not the type of woman
That men look at twice.
Too round in the hips
Too grey in the hair.
No.
I'm the type of woman
Who gets things done
Runs the show
Takes care of you (and you, and you).
I will LOL you until I'm crying
And even then will lie
No, really I'm fine
Must be a lash in my eye.
I'm the type of woman that men come to
With problems and questions
Of lovelife or health.
And they cluelessly miss the fact that
While I'm dispensing this advice they require,
I'm alone.
Who am I to talk?
I'm not the elemental when the wind rustles up waves upon the river
and hustles up a roar as it bustles through the leaves on the trees
I think of nights down the bog
the frightening thunder of horses hooves racing by in the darkness
branches of trees touching and tapping each other skittishly
seeking comfort in each other's presence
the cats capering from tree to tree, dervish beings, intelligent eyes
always on guard/in pounce mode hunting the night for movement
the dogs their senses stultiified by the elements simply enjoying the madness of it all
the smell of wet animal seeping deep into my soul
a spirit steam rising to the heavens
a beauty sensed bu Forgive me Forgive me
I am drowning
the carnations are waving simplicity
while the rain echoes solitude

I cannot find the reasons to not accept a fate
that has been laid before me
so clear
so concise
that the evolution of man
religion
and decent
cannot fathom the reality of my waning sin

I could be saved by loving like this

my lost half
my forgotten happiness
is found
in a visage of your watercolors
that breathes
life

Forgive me
for waiting so long
to speak your name