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Find meFairytale that is what I found myself believing
How much of a fool could I be
Learning all feigns are the same
Taking me in showing love unguarded
Or so I thought
Nothing but a lies and deceit is what he fed me
How trivial we think things are when time is quiet
Things are at peace so we think
Till we find that under the mask is a beast
Never will I find what escapes my grip
Always picking up my heart forever tortured
Can life be so complicated in a short breath
Do you even care what I go through
OH yeah you answered that you don't
So now what have I become that woman struggling to hold on
Fighting for what...love .. is there such a thing
Books have lost their capture
Music a theater to my bleeding heart
Smile for me though pity would end it all
My tear tracks are never ending right now
Maybe there is hope ....but right now there is darkness circling my soul
Storm brewingSurrender to me all your knowledge
Lead me away from anger
Find me in my world of lost souls
Can I never be free of this monster
Reality is only in my world
How do you put up and never leave
Words are not piercing yet from his lips
Though he doesn't know how much I know
How the room burns with knowledge
Kisses are no longer sweet
Words of endearment are losing their happiness
Destroying all we created
Collapsed there on the floor
Only words left in my mind of deceit...loss...anger
DareI was always a passionate youth
Writing in my notebooks streaming out words
Thoughts of what love should be
Demands on my mind always scrapping for paper to relay my minds torments
At times I feel wrapped up in a prison of feelings
I find at times my passion still spills out
Words jumble at times till they form clear visions
I want nights as passionate as my heart feels
I think at times I am too much for anyone
How desperate can I be to want to be touched all the time
Lost in a kiss, my favorite passed time
Romance I think is the key to my heart and soul
So let me dangle the key in front you
....take the dare
Take me awaySingle tear rolls down
Don't pity me in my despair
Wishing to have someone to relate
Feeling always alone no matter where I am
He has his dark secrets and I will let him have them
Why do I?
Not a clue in my crazed brain
My self esteem somewhere buried in a tomb
Never can I find it
Insecurities always following me
Is it my childhood or my past relationships
I just want someone to care about all the stupid shit I say
I just can't seem to keep old ghosts out of my heart
Thinking its my fault
Does time heal wounds seems not in my world
Tracks of these tears seem to be relentless
My body tired but feelings of love towards others strong
I will have to suffix for now on the love of them
He will have to wait
If my heart gets damaged so let it be ...its already damaged goods...
ZenHow I fall from this cliff
Enjoying the descent of the insane
Willing to keep going on everyday
I rise with one thought and never seem to end the day
Always mind racing to figure out where I went wrong
Journey's old these days
Fearing things have gone stale
I just keep thinking how will this year end
How do we find our soul
I escape in my books I read
Finding solace in fake loves and lives
Journeying to the other worlds I find my oceans
Escaping into my music I see my mind calming
Relaxed now I find myself
InsideTurn your eyes away....
Scorching lonesome pain invades the soul
Run from your dreams...faster now
Becoming shades of unforeseen dangers
Walls are slamming down around
Who are the beasts that lay and wait
Hold onto the barriers you built
Cleanse your eyes of the pain
Learn to hide from your chains of doubt
Captured angel pray for a savior
Alone in this dark with guilt
Holding onto to a sweet spell of release
Promises made and for told will be held tight
Waiting for the embrace of sacrifice
Casting spellsI cursed you but I didn't hate you
How controversial you make my soul
The words I find never filtered
Your enigma haunts me everyday
Does one man really have that much power
I want that same power over a man
To torture him with a whisper
Captive his eyes with mine
Kiss and hear him groan for more
You keep saying I bewitched you
How can that be when all I see is you
Just one look from you I am yours
You are more gorgeous then you know
Maybe that is your key to my soul
You said you were lucky to get me once
Always you say there is no way I could get you twice in a lifetime
He calls me his witch...though I have no spells to understand what he does to me...
Finding trustLove is only the beginning
The middle is awkward at times
But the middle can be reassuring in what you decide
The extent of how long love can be strong
This depends on the couple at hand
How you endure your legacy together
This will show how much one can love
There is no manual or right or wrong
Only the attempts both make to find love strong
Just like a seesaw you cannot have one without the other
How brittle sins can make a relationship
My mind can become clouded but I find solace in love
There are times I cannot see past my anger
Times when we both are raged or begging for forgiveness
In the end we hope and pray we can trust in love
Cause in the end there is only you and I...
ConclusionI've come to the conclusion
That you are only an illusion
A figment of my imagination
My hearts own creation
He is..He is the reason i have anxiety attacks
He is the reason i barely am able to deal with my depression
He is the reason i have anger issues
He is the reason i hate this family
He is the reason i grew up mentally abused
He is the reason that my mind is falling apart
He blames me.
He calls me the "asshole"
He is my Father
But not my dad.
Too LateToo Late
Feelings just pour out of me
until i can no longer see
anything but the words on the page
words of love written down as if in rage
feelings locked inside too long
keep overflowing as if in song
The gates are flooded
there is no more room
can't ignore how i'm feeling
my pen is like zoom
shouldn't i be cautious
too late for that
if only i can write them down
then will i find my path
i am so tired from emotions overcome
i've tried so hard but it can't be undone
A Safe DistanceI gave my heart and soul to you.
Trusted you with my love.
Hated you for breaking me.
Held you when you cried.
Now I'm lost and blind,
And need you to help me find my way.
But look where you are now-
Five hundred miles away.
All I needed was a hand,
To help pull me up.
All I wanted was understanding.
I've stayed silent and still,
Waiting for you to help.
I need you to help me want to stay.
But where are you now?
Five hundred miles away.
Fractures heal and love is lost.
Broken hearts callus over,
Forgetting how to feel.
People walk through you,
Never asking for directions to your heart.
So now here I lay-
Nowhere else but here-
Five hundred miles away.
Gone, Gone, Everything is Gonegone, gone, everything is gone
even the nightmares have left me to go on
slice, slice, everything is silent
even the shadows leave me in the darkness
to fend for myself
done, finished, tired of trying
too hard to find something that will fight to revive me!
too hard to find something that just isn't there!
insult, injury, there is no hope
no one to save me, no way to cope
even my closest friends are now strangers
liar, liar, you promised you'd be there!
but you're just like the rest - pretending you cared!
and, just like the rest, you've left me as well.
Am I really okay?"Hey. How are you doing today?"
Alone. Miserable. Depressed. Misunderstood.
Sad. Desperate. Abandoned. Hopeless.
Terrified. Reasonless. Sorrowful. Ugly.
Stupid. Loser. Scarred. Loner.
Disgraceful. Pitiful. Hated. Watcher.
Hater. Homeless. Loveless. Unworthy.
Retarded. Bitch. Slut. Afraid. Alone.
Matters Of The Heart Girl I ain't gonna write you no love letters
I ain't gonna bring you no flowers
I ain't not that kinda boy
You better learn now or me an you are never gonna be
Girl I got better things to do then to stand by your side
I could be the man of mars
I could fly across the globe
Girl if you want me to stay an cuddle you got another thing coming
Better learn now I ain't no love bug
I ain't no prince charming
I ain't no shining star
Girl I'm just me
I ain't perfect I sure hope you know that
But the way your just sitting there chewing your gum
I just don't know anymore
Can't help wondering why you really stick around
If you think you can change me you got another thing coming
I'm me an that's how its gonna be
If you want more then that girl I just don't know
I think I love you an all that blah
But I don't wanna be any different
An I can see it in your eyes
Looking for just the right ways to change me
I'll be your lover maybe even your friend girl
But I'm not gonna be no prince
Lost Spirit It's so cold up against this stone,
the only warmth I had was your evil soul~
It just breaks my heart~
To be so locked up, up against these walls~
I dream of being free once more~
But I don't know how to be free anymore~
I'm surrounded every where I go by these four walls~
I'm loosing my soul, I don't know what to do anymore~
Everything's fading away to gray, it's amazing to me that your eyes still gleam that devilish red- it sickens me down to the core, an I can't fight it anymore~
dear dadI hate you
I hate me
This is stupid
Can't you see
That you suck
And I'm sad
I mess up you get mad
And for what
And for why
Make me scream at the sky
Till the end of my days
As my life slips away
With this knife and this gun
I'll forever move on
And leave you back behind
Cause you're wasting my time
And your body will lie
And your soul, it will die
With my anger instead
Of these lies that you fed
And you forced down my throat
Then you stood there to gloat
And you stand there with glee
As you make fun of me
And I wish you would burn
So it could be my turn
And I'll watch as you pray
While God looks the other way
And I wish you were dead
So you'd be out of my head
And I wish I were free
So I could stop hurting me
With these guns and these knives
Used to rip apart lives
Till my body is sore
Because I love you
SpiritWhy do we feel broken at times
Weak with fever for what we don't guard
Can you be so torn apart that you can't reassemble
Falling backwards can you escape into oblivion
Is this torture or sweet release
Finding a need to be saved
Used and abused these demons surround whats left
Shattered blindness left behind now
Fading away reaching for a hand to grip tightly
Now broken pieces lay shattered on the floor
What to do now...
How do you piece back together a chaotic person
Deep within needs escaping
To fall away from life is to escape into raptures yet to find
Who will save a lost spirit....
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^Nyx-Valentine arrived in our community and started whipping everyone into a frenzy with her relentless desire to bring the Artistic Nude and Fetish galleries to the fore. 9 years later, and it's safe to say that Nyx is not only a leader as a photographer in these galleries, but she has also established herself as a much saught after model. ^... Read More